"Why are those people here?! I don't have it!""How do you know that? You've never been checked! I organised this for you so you'd know what you have to watch out for, Mum!"I believe our lives start, revolve and end around the maternal figure in our lives. They nurture us, love us and guide us through life. However, my mother is no typical mother. I know no other mother who can boast that she was a bong-smoking hippie of the sixties, a roller disco dancing queen of the seventies, a pin-sticking punk of the eighties and a rocking grunge chick of the nineties. She hasn't missed one trend among those that the generation-X have been apart of. But, she's managed to miss being informed about ...view middle of the document...
"Sisters, sisters!" called Adriana over the monotonous snubbing, "Please! Remember that 'Menopausals Anonymous' is for sisters such as this woman here, who are clearly not embracing an exhilarating stage in their lives.""Exhilarating like childbirth is painless," scoffed Mum, she turned and lamented to me, "I don't want to be here. Not with a sweaty load of fanny-obsessed heifers!"My frustration and discomfiture were peaking. I took her by the shoulders and heaved her down onto the sofa, "Mum, you're going to sit down and do this session!"Once I'd forced her down, I strode over to the door and locked it. For safety's sake, I stayed in the room, guarding the exit. Now that Mum couldn't escape, she could turn feral."Alright sisters, time to begin," said Adriana, looking around the circle, "Why don't we go around the circle and share our experiences this week... yes, you can go first Zoe."The woman who stood up had graying wisps of hair and looked as if she had stubble."My name is Zoe and I have the menopause. I'm experiencing palpitations and my skin is shriveling away faster than an onion in the sun. Other than that, I'm fine."My mother stared at Zoe in total shock and awe."Alright, Rouge, how about you?"A woman who was sitting at Mum's feet stood up. She had a shocking violet afro and the orange tunic robe she wore hung off her boney structure as if she were a coat-hanger."My name is Rouge and I have the menopause. I go through hot flashes, memory loss and," she had a crazed look in her eye, "I crave chocolate so badly."Rouge let out a heavy sigh, then drew herself up and said proudly, "And sometimes when I sneeze, I pee."Mum shot to an upright stance. I couldn't see the expression on her face, but I could see what was coming. I was on my guard, in case she tried anything."My name is Adelaide DeLuge and I hope you're wearing thick pants! STAND ON THE BLOODY BIN BAG!" she bellowed.While the other women hastily busied themselves with their bin bags, Adriana remained unperturbed by Mum's outburst."Adelaide," Adriana said calmly, "I understand your denial; I went through it myself. I think I know what will get y...
