Linus Torvalds Comes Clean. Or Does He?

by Ostatic Staff - Sep. 18, 2009

When someone regularly attracts the kind of media coverage that Linus Torvalds gets when he so much as blinks, you start to think you know everything about a person. If you've been following Linus on Twitter lately -- okay, the fake Linus -- then you've probably learned more about him in the last three weeks then you ever wanted to know.

I, however, had a few lingering questions burning a hole in my cerebral cortex so I caught up with Linus via email to ask what I wanted to know. Since the voting for everyone's favorite FakeLinusTorvalds is over and LinuxCon is right around the corner, I'm told these answers were provided by FLT #4... or were they?

You be the judge.

LH: You seem to be sublimating a little bit of anger toward Jim Zemlin. What would it take to patch things up between you two?

FLT#4: Don't get me wrong, I love the Gremlin. He supports my extravagant lifestyle and makes me sound like a big deal to people I don't care about. There is no patching up to do, but if he asks me to 'leverage' something once more, there will be tears and suckling going on.

LH: When looking in a mirror, what/who do you see reflected back at you? An imaginary crown on your head? Tux perched on your shoulder with his flippers wrapped around your neck? Be honest.

FLT#4: I see Linus Torvalds. 'nuff said.

LH: Do you have any big plans when you get to LinuxCon? Have you been practicing a Steve Ballmer-esque "Developers, developers, developers" chant or something to get the crowd going?

FLT#4: If you thought Ballmer's monkey-dance was bad enough, imagine a pasty-faced Fin in open-toe sandals feebly running around the stage wittering on about developers. We do still want a kernel community after LinuxCon...

LH: A penguin makes a great mascot for Linux but what was your second choice? Some say it was an alpaca, others a porpoise. Can you clarify?

FLT#4: Well we talked about Tazmanian Devils, but Tux it is. If it aint broke, why replace it for another completely random animal that bares utterly no resemblance to a low level Operating System component? Just sayin'.

LH: Rumor has it you saved a lock of Bdale Garbee's beard. What did you do with it?

FLT#4: I have no comment.

LH: Boxers? Briefs? Thong?

FLT#4: I go commando. Everywhere.

Disclaimer: Fake Linus Torvalds #4 is not the real Linus Torvalds, and these statements do not reflect the opinions of Linus Torvalds or the Linux Foundation. The identities of all four Fake Linus Torvalds will be revealed on Sep. 21 at LinuxCon.