Blindspot Reflection Ch. 3 & 4
It is embarrassing to admit how many times I took the Implicit Association Test. I was confident the tests, yes all of them, were wrong about me because I know who I am. I was determined to prove them wrong, and I weirdly started to become obsessed. Almost as though I was preparing for a big game. I believed as though subconsciously pounding on my chest and a mini pep talk would help me win this fictional game. One by one, the same results came back, and each one chipped at my ego. When I finally gave in and stopped retaking the tests, I found myself to be exhausted. I failed to see that I was playing mind games with myself. I was too focused on proving these tests wrong, and it prevented me from seeing the reality. I had set high expectations when taking the tests. When the results were inconsistent with these expectations, denial was my automatic thought. These self-inflicted thoughts hindered my ability to consciously evaluate the effects. It wasn't until I was defeated, bruised ego and all, that allowed me to reflect on the situation and as hard as it may be, started to accept these results.
While the Implicit Association Test was eye-opening, understanding how my automatic and reflective thoughts worked was what I found most intriguing. It had never occurred to me that I wasn't entirely in control of my thought process and why I believe it was difficult for me to accept my IAT results. I assumed that because I am the only one controlling my thoughts, I could w...