Matters of the SelfZig Ziglar, motivational speaker, salesperson trainer, and author, likes to use this example when he speaks about the impact our words have on others. The sentence "I didn't say he beat his wife" can express a myriad of thoughts, depending simply on which word is emphasized. "I didn't say he beat his wife" (where a declarative emphasis is placed on the underlined word) has a completely different meaning that "I didn't say he beat his wife" In the first, whether the man beat his wife or just knocked her around is in question. The latter sentence recognizes that "I" am not the one making the accusation, but the accusation had been made. Dr. Phil Mc Graw's book Self Matt ...view middle of the document...
"When we make choices that are directed along the same path as these life-facets, our choices are reinforced by the energy that our desires already hold, and we build a history, a self concept of positive success . . . that we do matter, and we are important.However, to live is to be in relationships, and to be in relationships carries a risk of rejection. When a person strikes out in the direction of what he or she really wants, what pursuing what is a part of my identity, and then is rejected in that arena, the blow is often more than he or she has resources to bear. As a result, many people choose, and according to Dr. Phil, the operative word here is "choose," to forsake pursuing the things that really define them, and settle for finding fulfillment in others vehicles. According to Dr. Phil, the result of these choices creates a conundrum, a conflict within our real self. Like trying to hold a beach ball underwater, we try to hold the reigns of our real desires under the surface, while at the same time putting time and energy into the product of our "second best option." We never really come in contact with that which our true self will find fulfillment, joy, and peace. We tell ourselves that which we truly want is out of our reach, and what we have must be the best of what life has to offer.A movie from the early 1980's was woven around this chord. In the midst of the economic changes and success that saturated that era, our culture as a whole was struggling with finding a "real self." The movie "Back to the Future" played this chord on multi-dimensional planes. The characters were not sure who they were, or of their value. Marty, a high school kid, wanted to play in a band, but didn't have the confidence to pursue his dream. The eccentric Dr. Brown had failed all his life to invent something of value, until he created a time machine. Marty's parents were products of settling for choices that focused on pleasing others. They thought this would make them free and happy, but in the end these choices made their cage, a miserable lower middle class life of alcoholism, and the realization that life may have passed them by. Marty travels back in time, and the heart of this movie is a conversation between Marty and his high school age dad. The older Mc Fly loves to write, and has journals filled with science fiction. His surprised son is dumb founded. He never knew his dad had a creative side, and he suggests that his dad should pursue finding a publisher. A look of sheer terror saturated Mr. Mc Fly's face, as he says "These are my stories. What if someone reads them, and doesn't like them. I don't think I could take a rejection like that."The success of this movie ascended from its accurate identification of this bump in the road of life over which many people struggle. The movie went on to theatrically illustrate the changes that could happen in our lives if we confront those choices, and have the chance to re-make them. Dr. Phil's book, S...
