There are several different ways of parenting your children. Some can be more favorable than others, which there are four distinct parenting styles. There is Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, and Disengaged parents. My mother, Catherine had often choose the authoritative style, which is known as the most successful approach. According to Jeffrey Arnett and Lene Jenson, “Authoritative parents are loving and warm toward their children, and respond to what their children need and desire.” (Arnett & Jensen, 2018)253 My mother has always been involved in my life and is accepting as well as sensitive to my daily needs. The authoritative side of my upbringing was often used to communicate clear standards, but not in a way that was aggressive or restrictive. Most of my punishments were due to my bad behavior, bad grades, or when I would lie to my mother. When I would do something wrong against another person, my mother would sit me down and explain why I was wrong and how the situation had appeared to the other person. The effects of different parenting methods can vary from family to family, but the authoritative parenting method has been very effective in shaping my who I am as a person.
According to Jeffrey Arnett and Lene Jenson, “Authoritative parents are high in demandingness and high in responsiveness.” (Arnett & Jensen, 2018)253 Authoritative parents do not let their kids get away with bad behavior, which they enforce the rules and have expectations for their children. Which they are also very gentle and rational with their children, as they explain the reasons for enforcing the rules and the consequences if they don't follow the rules. While asking and even listening to the child’s opinions about the rules. According to Baumrind’s research, “the optimal parenting style is authoritative parenting, which it was based on the positive effects on children.”(Arnett & Jensen, 2018)253 Authoritative parents often share common characteristics, which they set clear and consistent limits in their parenting. Also they have high expectations for their children but are warm and nurturing for their daily needs. Which they listen and talk to their children, giving them the chance to be independent in their thinking and actions. As they encourage their opinions, and discuss how to fix the problem. Authoritative parents tend to be role models, which their kids learn effective relational skills from their parents. (Arnett & Jensen, 2018) This parenting style is a balance of boundaries, and the loving support primarily creates a secure attachment between the parent and child that can benefit everyone. Which the child can take these qualities into their relationships out in the world, and eventually with their own children.
In Baumrind’s study, “she had found that authoritative parents were very consistent in enforcing limits with their children.” (Arnett & Jensen, 2018)254 My mother, Catherine had used this particular parenting style to provide positive reinforcement and reasoning to guide me as a child. My mother was raised with a very different parenting style, which she had a childhood that was operating under a closed system. This was very rough for my mother, which she was constantly yelled at by both of her parents for her behavior as a child. Also my grandparents would spank her as a punishment, and would offer little to no support or love. My mother would get no feedback or guidance for the punishments she had received in her childhood. This had helped my mothers decisions for how she wanted to raise me as a child, which her direction was Authoritative parenting. For instance, my mother has choose within the high responsiveness and high demandingness spectrum, which my mother wanted to choose practices that are nurturing but less demanding.
Another reason my mother had used this particular parenting style was to exhibit the same behaviors that she had expected from me as a child. According to Jeffrey Arnett and Lene Jenson, “parenting varies depending on the personalities of the parents, their goals for their children, and the characteristics of the children”. (Arnett & Jensen, 2018)253 As a child my mother was nurturing, sensitive and very supportive of my emotional and developmental needs as her son. Which as a child it had helped me learn to manage my emotions, but I still struggled with the reasons for the obstacles in my life as a small child. When I was young I had been diagnosed with epilepsy, which it was very difficult to manage at a small age. There were many trips to the hospital, and it was hard for myself to socialize with other children. Catherine, my mother was very nurturing and responsive to my questions as a child. She gave me the open communication that I needed, and provided me with explanations and reasoning for the obstacles I was facing as a child.
In Baumrind’s study, “authoritative parenting is associated with the most favorable outcomes, at least by American standards.” Arnett & Jensen, 2018)253 The effectiveness of this parenting style has helped me develop social skills, and has resulted in me being more independent, self reliant, and well behaved. Now that I have grown and experienced my childhood, from a small child I have developed a higher self esteem and confidence. Now I am twenty one years old, and living on my own. Feeling very confident of my capabilities as a adult and I am very proud that I am still succeeding as a student. Which this parenting style has helped with the challenges I have faced at school, as I have developed problem solving skills and learned to advocate for myself. With the help of my mother encouraging myself to accomplish things on my own, this has helped me to not have to rely on people to succeed. In the future, when I plan to have children I want to use this parenting style with my children but I believe that it is very hard to remain with one parenting style. Which some parenting styles may be more reluctant, and the authoritative parenting style is the more moderate approach that can emphasize setting higher standards. Nevertheless, parenting is a hard job and the authoritative parenting style has been associated with superior outcomes that can be rewarding.
1. Arnett, J. J., & Jensen, L. A. (2018). Human development: A cultural approach (3rd ed.). Pearson.