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The Cessation of Starvation: Essay #1
How might someone’s relationship with food be affected their anorexia? I was vegan for
almost a year, but for all the wrong reasons. Eating disorders feed off of restriction, and this title
normalized that for me. Veganism prohibits the consumption of animal products; food containing
milk, eggs, or meat were all off-limits. Living in Southern California, veganism was hardly
taboo. It is not only socially acceptable but also considered a superiorly healthy lifestyle by
some. I was able to display this guilt-free. Having automatic excuse to avoid food, my friends
and family were none the wiser. This gave my anorexia fuel grow without being publicly
abnormal. Using veganism as a shield allowed me to turn a blind eye to the real problem: My
anorexia merely changed its identity. Fortunately, it also served as a catalyst for thorough
research and an eventual recovery. Through this I was able to recognize the hypocrisy I was
feeding into. An experience with an eating disorder can drastically shift a person’s perspective
on the consumption of our world.
Following my Father’s death in 2014, I was desperately looking for a coping mechanism.
The only thing that seemed to satiate this void was food. I was attempting to substitute
something completely irreplaceable which only exacerbated my obsessive personality. Food
gave me the temporary satisfaction that I needed. However, coming back to school fifty pounds
heavier did a number on me. People equated my weight gain to my mental stability. I was met
with constant concern and pity. Additionally, I was under immense pressure to keep a certain
image. Both the theatre and the LGBTQ+ community have a central agreement: Fat is
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unemployable and unlovable. The combination of low self esteem and an anorexic sister resulted
in idolization. I saw a young woman who got quick results and was treated better for them. I
somehow idealized her struggle and allowed it to justify my new obsession. Instead of eating
compulsively, I could simply restrict. Making this shift inconspicuously required layers of
deception. Many of my acquaintances attributed their weight loss to the vegan lifestyle. This
presented an clear solution in my mind. I could avoid any concern or interrogation with my new
alibi. Marjaana Lindeman , Katariina Stark and Krista Latvala collaborated on an article in
Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention. They suggest that “some vegetarians
are in fact eating disordered people who are hiding their anomalous eating habits behind the
veneer of socially acceptable vegetarianism” (163). I am a clear example of this. People
automatically attributed my rapid weight loss to my new diet. Their pestering quickly turned into
praise. I was able to continue my spiral without opposition. The transition was so smooth that I
started to forget how terrible I felt. My new life felt natural. The severity of this situation was
hidden by my delusion. Daily complime...
