Paper On Reproduction Is Fun

1427 words - 6 pages

I've fought many wars in my time. Some I've fought for reproduction, some for sexual pleasure and some for glory. I suppose fighting for reproduction makes more sense than all the rest. Many men may die but it is a sacrifice we must take. Men of war, we must reproduce, we must venture into the land of Troy (Vagina) and enter the walls of the Vagina where we shall meet our destiny and attack the ovary so that we can fertilise Helen the egg, who was former queen of Sparta. She was stolen by Paris, Prince of Troy. We must fertilise her so that we can rule the land of Troy. I, Agamemnon, powerful King of the Mycenaeans otherwise known as the 'Penis' have united massive tribes of sperm warriors amongst Greece to fertilise Helen back in Troy, in defence of my brother's honour. One Greek sperm warrior alone stands as the key to victory over Troy.....Achilles.Achilles, contact the Men of the Testes. We need to gather men for war. Make sure their living conditions are good. Be sure not to admit any sperm warrior, into our training barracks if they carry disease because this can weaken our army. Achilles, you will have to appoint a commander, he will be a powerful and mortal leader who will have the title of Commander 'Nurse Cell'. Commander 'Nurse Cell' must look after 150 spermatozites warriors at a time and transport them through the 200m of canals which will lead them to the Epididymis for training.Once the army of Greek sperm warriors arrive at the Epididymis you will set up a barracks for our sperm warriors to rest and train. You will teach them how to swim. Our warriors will become excellent warriors seeing as they are under your command Achilles. They will have 3 weeks to become strong and matured before they are sent out to war. These warriors will live for 2-3 weeks so it is absolutely vital that you send them out to war between this time period otherwise they will die and be absorbed by the land. Once the word of war comes to you, accompanied by the army of sperm you must set forward on your perilous quest into the realms of the Vagina.The Men of war will split into groups and travel through the land of either two Vas Deferens which will lead to the Seminal Vesicles. Only the mature sperm shall be allowed to travel through this dark pathway. They shall be accompanied by deformed sperm warriors who were not to lucky during their development in the Testes. These sperm warriors may have two or three tales, broken necks or faulty fuel packs yet they must continue to fight amongst us. We shall fertilise Helen, the egg.Upon arrival in the land of the two Seminal Vesicles you shall pick up the sugary liquid supplies the land shall provide for you. This will feed the sperm warriors and aid in their maturation which is crucial for the war that awaits them.Achilles as you lead the men to Troy you will pass through the Prostate Gland. From knowledge I hear the land is ragged, filled with many pot holes. Supposedly, there is a lot of nutritious sugary liquid that can be found in them. Use these provisions to assist you. Here, you shall have travel by sea vessels and become sea men-semen!Sail through the urethra and go past the tip of the border of the penis into the land of the vagina. I'm sorry Achilles, I have never ventured there so I can not help you. May the gods be with you and the sperm warriors, and aid all of you in your dangerous quest. Fight for reproduction so we can rule Troy!!!I, Achilles accompanied by the sea men entered the walls of the Vagina. We were suddenly attacked in mass amounts by Troy's acidic environment. Their army was too powerful. They slaughtered our men in thousands. We were too weak for them. We needed a strategy. "Semen!!!!!", I shouted above the deadly screams of our warriors!," We must survive and the only way to do so is for us to stick together. Stick together, seamen thicken, and we will be safe!"This tactic never worked. After 20 minutes in Troy the seamen started spreading out again and the army became thin. Although, they started to spread out which was against my order the sperm warriors were very powerful, not powerful enough. After an hour of this horrific and bloody war, a quarter of the sperm warriors were dead! Our army was few. We had killed many Trojans (female defence warriors) but our army was worse off. The Trojan War was horrific.I ordered the remaining sperm warriors to head for an unknown land apparently called the Land of the Cervix. We found this land eventually. Just outside the cervix we lowered our provisions and rested for a few days. This allowed us to recover and allowed our strength to come back to us. One day while we were resting just outside the Cervix, Trojans attacked us. We were caught by surprise. We overcame them though. The casualties were minor. Only a few sperm warriors died in the gruesome battle. We sadly buried there bodies. I ordered the sperm warriors to continue.They travelled up the land of Troy in teams using the natural roads provided by the Cervix. The walk was tough, but we were getting closer to our goal, Helen the egg.Upon arrival in a valley called the Uterus we once again took a rest. The Uterus was a wasteland. The Greek sperm warriors and I did not like this land. We knew we had to get out of here. It was odd. We continued moving until we saw the pathway we were looking for. It split into two paths. According to a local villager these pathways were called the Fallopian Tubes "Sperm Warriors!" I declared, "Not many of us now exist. We have been through a lot in the past few days and many of our mean have died yet we must continue under Agamemnon, powerful King of the Penis. Split into two groups and travel up these two pathways. We shall meet on the other side. Good Luck!"The Greek sperm warriors journeyed up the Fallopian Tubes. The land was very challenging to climb but the warriors overcame this problem by using hair like fibres around them otherwise known as Scillia. These fibres were also used to 'tickle the men' which made them feel good and aid in their maturation. These young warriors were now becoming men. They rested frequently. Their destiny would soon meet them.The warriors ventured into the Ovum with high spirits. This was their meaning of life. They were predestined to fertilise Helen and so they tried with all their effort. There were very strong circular winds gushing in an anti clockwise way. This caused the land of Ovum to move in that direction. We continued to fight to enter the Ovum. We attacked the front door. The resistance forces were tough. Every man was desperate yet it was I, Achilles, son of the mortal Peleus and the Nereid Thetis, slipped through a tiny crack in the door. As I entered the towering walls above me started to fall down blocking the great door behind me, sealing it strongly preventing any other sperm warriors from getting in. My entering of the Ovum must have caused a reaction force on the outer surface of the Ovum prohibiting other sperm from entering. I was now inside. My goal had been achieved. I lay down on the floor. My head was bruised and had expanded. My tail fell off and the genetic information inside me mixed with Helen the egg to form a new human being, Achilles Junior, who would now rule the land of Troy!

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