”Oh my God! What have I done!”, I screamed, dropping my phone and jumping in horror
and shock. My golden, silky skin had gone cold and pale, the reflection of my once elated
face had sunk as if I had just hit an iceberg. Being scared wasn't normal for me, it feels like I
am tied to the ground and running out of air. I can't breathe, as if someone is choking me.
My heart is racing and all I want to do was curl up into a ball and wait for someone to save
me. But no one was coming, no one was there. That's when my life dissolved before my
eyes and everything went black.
[a two weeks earlier]
I was buzzing, adrenaline surging through my body, making me restless and somewhat
unsteady. Tomorrow was the big day, the day I would grow up and go to ’The Alley’. This
was a winding path of wisdom spreading down to the old abandoned shed. I was thirteen
now and finally allowed to go. The best parties, hangouts and meetings go in in that very
place. I have wanted to go there since I was a little girl and now the time is here, and it is
now. Jamie and I have been talking about this moment our whole lives - how we will wear
our finest clothes, dance to the finest songs and meet the finest people. It would be the
night of our lives.
But then I heard mum knocking on the door. My heart melted after she told me the news. I
couldn't go. That was it, as blatant as that. She showed no emotion in telling me, no
remorse, no regret, absolutely nothing. The moment I have been waiting for, crushed in my
mother's hand as if it was a piece of scrap paper. Years and years of anticipation was boiling
to the brim inside of me, the anticipation translated into anger and all I want to do is scream
and shout. I want to throw plates, smash glasses, break windows - yet all I can do is sit in a
messy heap and cry. Tears flowed down my face like a river, a never-ending stream of
dysphoria and hatred towards everything and everyone. Tomorrow was the last opening day
of ”The Alley” until renovations. An estimated three year till I can go next, I'll be 16. Nothing
could be worse.
Nobody’s parents restricted them like this, as if everyone was a threat. Mum was
overreacting, as usual, and this time it wasn't anything small, unlike not going go a
sleepover, it was a huge deal. The whole school would be at “The Alley” - except for me.
They would make fun of me for not being able to go, they would call me childish, wimpy and
scared. I would be demoted to the laughing stock of the school. I can’t let that happen. I
don’t want to become ‘Pathetic Patty’. Her life was ruined the moment she didn’t go to the
school formal. She moved school and I haven’t seen her since. I am determined not to let
that happen to me.
Yet I am still dreading school tomorrow.
What would I tell people?
What would they think of me?
Will they believe me?
Questions after questions keep popping into my head, whizzing around and impossible to
stop. As one question melts away, another would form. It is...