I have so many things I want to say to you, but I just don’t know how. I’d much rather say them in person, but I know that apart from you won’t see me, I wouldn’t be able to without tears streaming down my face and my voice would go all shaky and break. I’m not even sure that you’ll even read this, but I really hope you do. I screwed up, again. It seems that’s all I do lately. I didn’t mean to ruin everything between us. Sometimes I wish I could hate you and even wish we never met. But I don’t hate you. To be honest, I will never be able to hate you, I just really hate myself for letting things get this bad. Trust me, I’m suffering the consequences.
You never gave up on me. I think about how protective you were of me, how supportive you were of me, how you loved me for me at my darkest time. You did whatever you could to make me smile. I took you for granted, and I guess it wasn’t until you left that I realised that you gave me everything I needed and wanted. You gave me fights over the little things, you were my shoulder to cry on, you tried to help me even though I kept trying to push you away. Your love for me never wavered and you never gave up. You always told me that you loved me, even if I needed you to say it a hundred times a day, you always said it.
I know what we had is over, but yes, I still miss you. Truth is, I haven’t stopped missing you. I’m trying to move on, I do want to stop missing you. I guess that’s why I pick fights with you all the time. It sounds stupid, but it’s in hope one of two things will happen – I’ll either forget my feelings, or we will work it out. I now know I have screwed up too many times for that to even be a possibility.
I really am glad you’re happy though. People tell me every second day how happy you are and it’s the happiest you’ve been. You were my first love, and I know you won’t be thrilled, but I think I’ll always have a piece of my heart that loves you. I am glad you came into my life and played such a big part. As much as I don’t want you to leave my life, I understand that you have to.
Thank you for everything you have done. Thank you for every smile, every laugh, every moment, every ounce of love, every day spent together, every cuddle, every kiss and every fight/argument. Thank you for changing my life.
I love you always.
I made a mistake, now im living the consequences. I regret it, I really do. And im sorry.
I know we can’t go back believe me if we could I would I never meant for this to happen. Im so so sorry I know we can’t go back but I just want you to know how truly sorry I am for any upset I caused.
you for every smile, every laugh, every moment, every memory, every ounce of love, every promise, every date, every kiss, every cuddle, every fight/argument. Thank you for changing my life. I love you always.
Love,
Rachel
